No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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