Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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