Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
