OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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