walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
