It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize