9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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