So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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