Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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