Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize