If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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