i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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