When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
