this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
