i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
