Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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