you win again, gameday.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
