You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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