How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
