I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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