I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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