Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dicks are not precious.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
