Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
