so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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