The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
