and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
