my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How does it feel to date your dad?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
