your parents love me but you hate me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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