I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
