"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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