Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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