allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
