It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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