the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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