What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize