It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
