You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
