I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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