No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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