butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
