Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
