I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As shirtless as possible
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
