I want to walk on stilts...naked
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
