there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
