i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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