Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
we have officially lost it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
