im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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