I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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