she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
