cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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