I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize