I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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