ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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