boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
