I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
