Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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