I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
