her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
farters have to be the big spoon...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
