Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
