i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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