No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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