I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do vagina's smell?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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