I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
