you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
