we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
