so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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