idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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