My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
