A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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