gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
