It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
