Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
