I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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