Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
