captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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