He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
