i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
