We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
