so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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