how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
