guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
