We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
