You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
this is an emotional support booty call
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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