I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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