We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
