I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
did you just send me my own nude
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Randomize