I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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