all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
