Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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