PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
