I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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