DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
