can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
