I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
