Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
