Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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