you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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