Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
